I’m happy to report that I’ve stumbled onto the Bermuda Triangle of defunct television stars. It’s because of these films. Have you ever found yourself late at night watching “Cheers” and thinking to yourself, “Good old George Wendt.” “I’m curious as to what he’s up to.” Playing Santa Claus in Christmas movies on TV.
These films feature actors you used to like but haven’t thought about in ten years
By my count, it’s happened FOUR times, and just one of them is a sequel. (NOTE: I’m not including Wendt’s appearance as Santa Claus in “A Colbert Christmas” or his strangely attributed role as “Mr. Destiny” in a film I haven’t seen.) Are you familiar with Mario Lopez? When he wasn’t dancing with the stars, the former Bayside jock starred in a Christmas kidnapping film (deep breath) and was kidnapped by Melissa Joan Hart, who didn’t have to explain anything because, well, it was Christmas. These films feature Dave Coulier, who is no longer Uncle Joey or even mentioned in Alanis Morrissette songs. Candice Cameron (Bure), his TV niece, has done nearly as many as Wendt. What is the best way to characterise these unexpected reunions? Let’s see what we can come up with: Have you ever devoured a whole King-Sized Butterfinger? Because that’s how it feels when you see one of these ancient faces in one of these films.
“Wow, it’s been a long time!” you exclaim at first. I have a vague recollection of eating a Butterfinger, or at the very least of enjoying old Bart Simpson commercials.” After a few nibbles, you realise the memory is being tarnished with each mouthful. The truth of how tooth-destroyingly sweet it is, and how much more you have to eat before you’re done with it, is too much. You’re feeling ill. You wish you could keep Butterfinger’s wonderful memories alive in your heart. However, you’re in front of a room full of relatives who want you to complete the task as they watch. So that’s what you do. This is how it feels to learn that my old pal A.C. Slater is the voice of a talking dog that rescues Christmas for a family who absolutely does not deserve it. Since then, I’ve learned that Mario Lopez resumed his role as the talking dog to salvage that family’s EASTER, which begs a lot of issues regarding who exactly said “Well, I hope you’re pleased.” You’ve completely wrecked Easter.” But this gets us to the last crucial point to remember if you’re going to make it through a cable Christmas movie.
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